Needs

You never out grow the need for your mother. I have thought this for a long time. When my husband passed away in Feb of 1999 who did I call first? MOM. I knew she wasn't as strong as the Mom I had come to rely on in my adulthood, but she was still my Mom and I needed her. Now my Mom has gone. Who do I call now?

This has been a horrible month. Tyler got sick then he died. Mom fell and then she passed away. The most comfort I have is that Ty and Mom are together. Ty loved Mom. Of course, Ty loved anyone who would pet him and had food.

Sometimes I think I was a horrible child. I was mean to my brothers. I resented having to babysit them. I guess that was normal. I had the normal fights with Mom, I guess.

After I went into the Air Force and then got married our relationship changed to more friends than mother and daughter. Still when I needed a Mom she was there.

I think that Moms should tell their daughters that this will happen. Moms should not try to run their adult children's lives. Mom was a good mother in law as was my husband's mother. Don't take sides and stay out of their lives. When I got married Mom said you made your bed now lay in it. Don't get me wrong she loved my husband and he was a good man and husband and son in law. She just wanted me to know this was now my life. Of all the kids I am the only one who never has come back home.

I don't have any guilty feelings which really surprises me. I don't have anything to feel guilty for, but still we all have those feelings. Maybe, after the viewing today I will. This hasn't been real yet. I saw Mom on the Tuesday afternoon before she fell and broke her leg. She fell in the early hours of Wednesday. On Monday I was to take her to the Dr. and when I got up that morning Tyler was dead. I was too upset to take her. I went to visit her on Tuesday. She was upset that Tyler had died, too. I thought that day that her eyes looked good. They had been kind of cloudy for a while. She had bright green eyes that day. On the day she passed away, my brother and I went to the hospital early in the morning to talk to the Dr. I talked to her. Of course,there was no response. Later just after noon my brother called to tell me the news. I felt nothing except maybe a little surprise. I thought she would be here a few more days. Maybe it was a coping method. Who knows?

Anyway, ladies tell your daughters that they will never outgrow the need for their mothers. Ladies, be good mothers. Mine was.

It has been almost 2 weeks and there is still an emptiness in the house. Something is missing. The vitality is missing. Tyler was not an energetic dog. He was not given to running and bouncing and wrestling. His was a quiet presence. Sure, he would mix it up with Fly once in a while just to show the kid who was boss still. Fly never learned and had to push. Gosh, I miss my boy.

"Thus we begin our day in song. Sacred songs calling spirits. Those who weave dreams are Holy. Tomorrow we weep but today I'll spend with my old dog -- hand to paw as we walk together; speaking in low, sweet tones. I will continue to write about him to let the world know that he was here; more, he made a difference!"

A great corgi is gone

Amazing Pocket Tippecanoe, Tyler, has gone to the Bridge. He left last night or early this morning. As was his way he did it quietly not wanting to disturb his Mom. I will miss him so much. With each minute I am missing him more. He was a teddy bear of a corgi. He had a big thick coat that you could get lost in. Unlike a lot of dogs he didn't mind being held or hugged. Our favorite nap position was Tyler cradled in my arms like a baby. We loved the recliner. On 9/11 all I wanted to do was get home and hold Tyler in my arms. I knew life would go on once he was in my arms.

Tyler had a great many nicknames. My favorite was Bubbie. He was also Mr. Man, My Little Tidy Bowl Man, Snuggle Bug, and a few other silly names.

He really asked nothing of me other than love and food.

Having been upset all day I engaged in one of my odd behaviors when I am really really upset. I cleaned the window screens. As I was in the living room getting the screens I turned on XM to the 50's station. After I did that I thought I hope they don't play "In the Still of the Night". That was one of my late husband's favorites. Darned if it didn't come on immediately. I completely broke down. I do know now though that Ty is at the Bridge with Al.

I am going to really miss Ty's bright expression so full of love and expectation. Ty had the biggest ears of any corgi I ever saw. It took months for them to come up when he was a puppy. Even in death they were still every upright. I will miss rubbing those big ole ears.

Bubbie, I miss you so much. I knew this day would come, but so soon? Twelve years is not enough.

Wait for me at the Bridge, big boy.